i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
