hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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