wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
