I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
