You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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