I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
