Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
