he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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