So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize