i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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