I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
