we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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