Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
