I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
