How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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