If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
