Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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