Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am naked and annoyed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
