She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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