im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
