I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize