This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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