wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
