It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize