Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
