I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
