It's like God shit irony all over that family
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
