so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
