You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
