I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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