Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
