I want to walk on stilts...naked
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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