When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
