My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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