My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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