He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize