He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
