Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
