nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
