No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize