he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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