So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
