He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize