guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
