I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
