What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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