what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I understand Curling. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
