When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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