even my farts smell like vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
