They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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