I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
