Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
