I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
