Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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