They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
