i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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