nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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