A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
