so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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