foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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