It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
