We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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