I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
