Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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