I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
