i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
