My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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