grandma shit on top of the toilet
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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