I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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