No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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