i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
FUCK WHALES
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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