I must be too annoying 4 u.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
