I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
