at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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