Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize