butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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