I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
