Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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