I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
