he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is wine microwaveable?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
