he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
