If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
