I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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